


Mother

by Apollo Veilleuse (ApolloGeek27)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Childbirth, Children, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Recovery, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApolloGeek27/pseuds/Apollo%20Veilleuse
Summary: The path to motherhood was full of broken glass and salty tears yet, in the end, the touch of soft skin and sweet laughter makes it all worth it.
Relationships: Original Character(s) & Original Character(s), Original Character/Original Character





	Mother

A lone figure stood in front of a gravestone, soaked down to the bone from the heavy rain of today. Puffs of frosted air escaped their mouths as they stared at the carved name with red-rimmed eyes.

“I’m back.”

A wry smile slipped onto the figure's face.

“What luck, eh? For it to be raining on this day of all days.”

A hand gently touched the gravestone.

“Sorry I haven’t come around so often. I’ve been busy with . . . someone special.”

A sigh echoed in the silent graveyard. 

“It’s been years since . . . yet it still hurts as if it were yesterday.”

Grabbing a picture frame from the pocket of their coat, the figure stared at the person it framed, memories threatening to overwhelm them as they sought solace in the person's features. 

“I miss you.”

A gentle kiss was placed on the picture, the tenderness of the action expressing all the love that could ever be given by the figure.

“Mother loves you . . .”

* * *

Gwen Myers stared at the door to the Fertility Clinic. Rocking back and forth on her heels as anticipation and fear rolled in her gut. All she had to do was push down the handlebar and open the door. 

Yet, Gwen knew if she did that, she would be doomed. Whatever happened here was going to be P-E-R-M-A-N-E-N-T. She would either have a child of her own. Or, she would have another scar on her heart, the second one to be added to herself. 

Gwen bit her lip as she eyed the handlebar. She could have left with no one wiser. Pretend to have forgotten about coming here and miss the appointment. Lived her life with no change to herself or her routine for the past year. 

Of course, before Gwen could even make an impulsive decision at the front door of the Fertility Clinic, the door opened with a woman stepping out. The woman looked up, startled at the person standing in front of the door and said, “Excuse me, you’re in the way.”

Gwen flushed pink as she moved out of the way. “Sorry.”

The woman leaves with barely a glance at the embarrassed Gwen. 

Watching the woman leave, Gwen takes in a deep breath and turns to the door. Without thinking further about it, she opens the door and heads on inside the clinic into the waiting room. She walked up straight to the receptionist.

“Hello, I have an appointment here for five.”

The receptionist peeked at her from behind her glasses, an eyebrow raised as she stared at the 30-year-old in front of her.

“Ms. Gwen Myers?”

“Yes.”

“You’re on time. Sit in one of the chairs and wait to be called.”

Gwen did as she was told and found a place to sit, taking out her phone looking at the time. It was 4:50 PM, ten minutes early before her appointment. She decided to switch to the google app and brought up an article about childcare to read through.

By the time it was five o’clock, Gwen had already read four articles. One of them being about childcare, another about pregnancy, the last two were about miscarriages which quickly became bookmarked. 

“Ms. Gwen Myers?”

Gwen looked up from her phone and quickly stood up. She placed her phone into her purse and smiled at the nurse who called her name. 

“Yes?”

“Please follow me.”

The nurse leads her to an examination room and then tells her to wait for the doctor inside before leaving. 

Gwen glanced around the room before taking a seat. Before she could succumb to her boredom and took out her phone again to pass the time, the door opened letting in her doctor.

Her doctor looked up from his clipboard and smiled, “Hello, Ms. Myers. Are you excited?”

“Yes. Though I’m a little bit nervous.”

“That’s normal. Now to recap, you’re here for the Intrauterine Insemination, correct?”

“Yes.”

The doctor nodded to himself and sat down on a nearby chair. 

“Well, the procedure is quite simple. We can get started now.”

Before Gwen knew it, she was leaving the Fertility Clinic twenty-five minutes later with a sore bottom and a 20% of getting pregnant.

* * *

Gwen stared at the pregnancy stick, shock making her hands tremble as she held onto it. She slowly slid down to the floor, her knees feeling weak as she tried to process the image her eyes were still looking at.

The red cross sign glowed in the bathroom lighting, making her hyper aware of the impossible knowledge in front of her. Another positive on her sixth pregnancy test.

Gwen never planned her pregnancy. How could she, when considering the fact that her doctor said she was infertile and will, therefore, never have any biological children in her life. She never even thought that she _could_ become pregnant.

Dreams of motherhood and children slipped past her fingers as Gwen came to peace with her infertility. She accepted that she would never have children and put that dream of becoming a mother behind her, focusing more on her relationships with others. 

But here, right now, she was _pregnant_.

That meant that she wasn’t infertile. That meant that her doctor misdiagnosed her. That meant her dream of becoming a mother was _possible_. 

Gwen let out a shaky breath and clasped her hand to her face, tears falling from the corner of her eyes dripping down her chin. A mixture of emotion made her heart tight, the most dominant of all the emotions was sheer elation at the revelation. 

A knock on the door interrupted the moment.

“Gwen? Are you okay? You’ve been in the bathroom for awhile.”

Gwen sniffled a bit and slowly stood up. She opened the door to the bathroom and stared at the person on the other side with a blotchy, red face. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears and her lip wobbled as she tried to restrain herself. All in all, the 25-year-old looked like a mess.

Rick, her loving boyfriend of sometime, looked surprised and hesitantly asked what was wrong. His face adopted an expression of concern that Gwen was familiar with whenever she had a bad day.

Gwen whispered.

“What? Can you please repeat what you said?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Rick blinked a few times, staring at her in shock and confusion. He opened his mouth a few times, trying to speak. The thoughts passing through his head were obvious: How is this possible? Are you sure? 

The disbelief was understandable. 

Gwen told Rick, before their relationship ever truly became serious, of her infertility. Despite knowing that he would never have children with the woman he loved, Rick still decided to stay with her, happy with simply living life with her by his side. 

That was why, for a few moments, Rick didn’t say a word. He just stared at her, slowly digesting the impossible truth of the statement. 

Then, in the blink of an eye, Rick’s face split into a wide grin. He pulled Gwen into his warm embrace and spun her around in circles as he yelled with infectious joy, “We’re having a baby!”

Gwen buried herself into his arms and nodded in agreement. There was a smile on her lips as she giggled from pure happiness, “We’re having a baby.” 

* * *

Gwen was feeling melancholy.

She was sitting in the old, rocking chair that Rick had bought for her a long time ago, unopened and opened storage boxes surrounding her, staring at the painted birds and flowers on the wall with wistful eyes.

Gwen could almost hear the joyful laughter as Rick painted the fluttering hummingbirds, always stopping because she had jumped on his back, not wanting to mess up the picture he was finishing up. 

Trailing her gaze from the wall to the wooden crib, Gwen could nearly see a phantom of herself screw in the third leg to the body of the crib, Rick sitting next to her while he read out the instruction in butchered Spanish, causing her to smile as she kept up her work.

From the wooden crib to the small nightstand, Gwen paused. Facing toward her was a familiar picture, one that she had stared at for hours on end with no break. Looking at the picture, memories threatened to draw her in a woeful abundance.

Gwen placed the picture face down, unable to look at it anymore. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to wrest away the creeping edges of darkness from her mind. Once she felt as if she was in a much better place than before, she opened her eyes again.

Sighing, Gwen took one more glance at the face down picture and then shifted her attention back to the task at hand before the bout with melancholy: finding baby clothes.

Pursing through another storage box, Gwen was able to find a blue baby bib, one that was never used. Touching the soft fabric, she wondered at the gender of her child. 

Would they be a bright-eyed boy? Or perhaps a whip-smart girl? 

Gwen didn’t know, no, she didn’t _want_ to know. It was better that way. All she did know, though, is that she would love the child no matter what. Even all that would do is hurt her in the end.

* * *

Gwen was sitting in the rocking chair, staring at the picture on the nightstand that faced her way. She didn't know what time it was anymore, she didn’t know the date or even the year. All she knew was that she was tired, so very tired. She can’t even tell if she was dreaming or awake, with how dark the room was ,the curtains drawn and doors closed.

Her eyes were blurry as tears fell down her face and her throat was hoarse from singing the lullaby that she had painstakingly made for her child, over and over again.

“My darling, my dear heart, never worry so ~

For mother will be with you through the highs and the lows.

My sweetling, my angel, never fear so ~

For mother will protect you wherever you may go.

My treasure, my love, never cry so ~

For mother loves you, that I hope you know.”

She could barely make out the sound of the door opening, lost in her misery and agony. Footsteps made their way behind her, heavy as the mood that saturated the air. 

However, when Gwen realized that there was someone else in the room with her, she fell silent, giving her throat relief from singing some more. She knew exactly who was behind her, despite the fact that the individual hadn’t seen her since she locked herself in the room, only one person would have the keys to let themselves in here.

“Gwen . . . I can’t do this anymore.” Rick spoke as soft as a whisper, his deep voice was foreign to her. She had barely spoken to anyone except to the picture, unable to face other people with their pitying expressions and unwanted sympathies.

His hand hovered over her shoulder before retreating back to his side, giving up on any comfort he could have provided her. Rick stared at the small, silent figure in front of him, a person that he can’t even recognize with how horrible she looked, and swallowed in defeat at how she barely acknowledged him. 

“I can’t stay here anymore, this is too much for me . . . I’m leaving. I- . . . Goodbye.”

Gwen didn’t say anything as she heard Rick turn around and walk away. She didn’t say anything as the door closed, cutting the thread that bound the two of them together. She didn’t say anything even as she heard the car engine start and slowly start to fade away as it went farther from her.

It was only when a suffocating silence enveloped the room that she spoke.

“I’m sorry . . . “

* * *

_Rick:_

What’s a good name

for any kid of ours?

_Gwen:_

I’d either have a 

boy named Eric or

a girl named Layla.

_Rick:_

Why Eric? Isn’t that the

name of Disney Prince?

_Gwen:_

Exactly. Any son 

of mine would 

be a real Prince.

_Rick:_

Nerd.

_Gwen:_

At least my naming

sense is better than

yours.

_Rick:_

Layla is a nice name.

I would’ve called her

Maureen or something.

_Gwen:_

It’s a good thing

I’m the one whose

going to name them.

_Rick:_

Well, you are the one

who's going to push

them into this world.

It’s only fair that you

get the privilege to name them. 

_Gwen:_

Damn right!

* * *

Gwen endured the loud crying beside her ears as she sang her lullaby, slowly rubbing circles on the back of her child, desperately hoping that they would go to sleep so that _she_ could finally sleep.

“My darling, my dear heart, never worry so ~

For mother will be with you through the highs and the lows.

My sweetling, my angel, never fear so ~

For mother will protect you wherever you may go.

My treasure, my love, never cry so ~

For mother loves you, that I hope you know.”

Soon, the crying began to decline and Gwen sighed in relief. She walked around the room some more, making sure to lull the child to sleep before depositing them into the crib. 

Glancing inside the crib, Gwen couldn’t tell if the lips were colored pink or blue, the darkness of the night making it difficult to see any defining features. For one second, she wasn’t all there, lost between reality and fantasy. However, the moment passed and she shook her head out of that haze.

Sighing, Gwen collapsed onto the rocking chair, letting her body sag in relief. Glancing at the nightstand, she saw that the picture was face down. A contemplative expression was on her face as she looked at the picture, knowing what it showed even with it still face down.

Gwen grabbed the picture and put it in her coat, deciding to put the picture somewhere more appropriate. She then turned towards the crib and smiled softly, “Goodnight, my sweet little miracle.”

* * *

Gwen screamed in agony as she went through labor. The pain of pushing a child out into the world was a painful one, even despite the experience of doing so twice.

Gwen pushed and pushed and pushed before a nurse told her that she was fine to relax now. She was utterly exhausted, hours of trying to give birth weighed on her. More than anything, she wanted to sleep. However, her bleary eyes refused to close, seeking out the small bundle that was her child.

It was then Gwen realized that she couldn’t hear any crying. Why couldn’t she hear any crying?

Her breathing began to pick up as she couldn’t hear the cry of a newborn, memories crashing down on her as she desperately tried to move from the bed, praying not to experience the anguish of before.

“W-where’s my baby? Where’s my baby!?”

Gwen felt as if she was fading away, echoing a moment of despair from long ago. She could almost feel the realization settle in, could see the pale body in the arms of the nurse as they took him away, could glimpse at the unmoving chest and the blue-tinged lips, could hear one of the nurses say ‘He wasn’t able to get enough oxygen’. 

Before she let the hopelessness of the situation seize her, a nearby nurse calmed her down. “Ma’am, it’s okay. Look, here's your baby. They're coming right now, okay?” 

Another nurse came up to her, carrying her baby and slowly deposited them into her arms.

“Look, it’s a healthy, baby girl.”

Gwen cradled the child close to her chest, feeling choked up as she stared in awe at her living, breathing _daughter_. She looked at the bright flush that covered her daughter’s skin, the small chest that moved up and down with her breathing, the pink lips let out a small mewl showing the world that she was _alive_ , and began to cry.

“H-hello, Layla, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m your mother.”

* * *

Gwen was sitting in a café, looking at the Fertility Clinic that was across the street. She was holding a cup of cocoa in her hands, sipping delicately as she stared at the building with anxious eyes, torn between fear and hope. 

If she wanted . . . she could . . . but what if . . . what if it turns bad . . .

Before Gwen could spiral into troubled thoughts, the sound of someone pulling up a chair to her table caught her attention. When she looked to see who it was she was shocked to see Rick.

He seemed to have aged from the last time she saw him, stress lines gracing his face. However, his eyes were bright with life and there was a small smile on his lips as he stared at her. 

“It’s been sometime, huh, Gwen?”

Gwen’s throat dried as she looked at the one person she thought she would never see again. 

It’s because of the state of affairs between them from long ago that the both of them parted ways, pain and sadness drowning out all of the good memories they used to have together. The only thing that remained between them was unspoken heartache and remembrance as he stepped out of her life.

“Yeah, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Gwen lamented on the pure affection that used to radiate from Rick’s very being as he looked at her, an example of all that was broken with them. He was always caring towards the people he was close to but, now, it was as if there was a distance between them, an invisible line drawn in their life, with neither one of them willing to cross. 

Rick glanced at the Fertility Clinic she was looking at before turning towards her, nodding his head at the building. “Are you thinking of going . . . ?”

Gwen quickly shook her head, “God, no! I mean, I just, i-it’s not a good idea at all.”

Rick hummed, his eyes straying once more to the clinic. “I think you should.”

“What?”

“I think you should go in there and make an appointment.”

Gwen’s wide eyes stared incredulously at him, unable to understand why he would say such a thing to her with all that had happened.

Rick kept staring at the building, avoiding her gaze, resting his head on his hand. “When _that_ incident happened, something in you was lost, something fundamental was destroyed. I couldn’t help you. All I did was add to your misery.”

“Rick-”

“No, Gwen, I hurt you when you were hurting. I got lost in my pain and ignored yours. I can never apologize for everything that happened. What I did was horrible and I will never forgive myself for it.”

“Rick . . . “ Gwen bit her lip, confusion and nervousness swirling around in her chest.

“But now, you’re here, near a Fertility Clinic. You have another chance at the happiness that we couldn’t get back then. You deserve this, Gwen. Don’t let what happened in the past define what you make of your future.”

Rick then turned towards her and gave another smile, this one with a hint of sadness in its slope, before getting up and leaving the café.

All Gwen could do was watch as he walked away, his words ringing in her head, a decision finally made.

* * *

“. . . Eric.”

Gwen caressed the frame once more before slowly putting down the picture of the stillborn Eric onto the gravestone.

“You have a little sister. Her name is Layla.”

Gwen watched as raindrops fell onto the picture frame, blurring the photo and making it harder to notice the blue tinge to Eric’s lips.

“You would have loved her.”

Gwen briefly touched the Engraving on the gravestone that she recently asked to be added: _Eric Myers_ , _Son_ , _Brother_. 

“I wish I could have let Layla meet you. She was so excited to meet her big brother.”

Gwen looked down at the gravestone fondly, imagining her little girl babbling to Eric about all the mischief she got up to that day. It warmed her heart, pushing away the pain that always aches whenever she visited her son’s grave.

“I promise I’ll bring her when the weather is better.”

Gwen put two fingers to her lips, giving them a kiss, before putting the fingers to the gravestone.

“Until then, Mother loves you.”

With that said, Gwen gave one last sad smile to the gravestone before walking away.


End file.
